Serious Question: How much would you pay for me?

P2000 pesos, one perverted old man around fifty to sixty years old wearing jeans and a light colored shirt apparently decided.

Earlier today, around four o’clock or so, I was at the cinema of one particular mall in Cubao (I’ve been harassed, I don’t want to get sued for public humiliation or slander too, so I’m not going into specifics) checking out the movies showing this week, waiting for the presents I bought to be wrapped. Suddenly, I hear someone whisper beside me saying, “I’ll give you two thousand.” I turn my head and see a decent looking person with the above description peering over to my side. At this point I already knew what he meant but I was still in denial. I figured what I thought he was saying only happened in TV or the big screen. But, noticing the absence of a reply, he once again tried to… ehem… purchase me.

I played dumb. I said, “Wha?”

Then he said, “Kasi…” *giggle* *giggle* “I like you eh…”

Shet. Someone says I like you and it just had to be a perverted old man around fifty to sixty years old wearing jeans and a light colored shirt and not a gorgeous teen idol around sixteen to nineteen wearing a short skirt, knee high socks, and sexy top.

Shet.

My immediate response AND reflex was, “This is the part where I run away.”

I knew pick-ups happened anywhere and everywhere but I never thought that it would happen to me. I’m fine though, in case anyone’s wondering. I’m really not scared for life or anything dramatic as that. I’m not even angry at the guy even, being a weird guy as I am. I mean, he was just trying to get lucky. Maybe he would bump into someone high or maybe blind.

But, I feel insulted…

Appalled…

Disgusted…

Revolted to the fact that the guy tried to pick me up for two effing thousand pesos.
I mean, I’m young, strong, fair complexion, and good-looking as far as I know. (LOL! XDXD)

Come on, how much would you buy me?
---my parents said they wouldn’t even bother! The nerve! xD

BIG things for BIG boys

Burger Avenue

A. Venue Mall

A. Venue Mall, Ground Level, Makati Ave. cor. Ge. Luna St.

Telephone: (63 2) 729-9108

I found this image of this pretty huge burger, as you can see, in the blog of an Atenean no less while looking for information on Pizza Niro, the home of the 30" pizza. But before I get to that, this burger hailing from the alley ways of Makati Avenue is somewhat special aside from its apparent bigness.

Now according to the blog site where I found this mouthwatering piece of meat, the restaurant is giving out this burger for FREE, yes, F-R-E-E. But there's a catch. This mountain of a burger has to be sucked into the black hole we call the digestive system in five mins or else, you pay the original price of about P200. I'm not entirely sure if the bet is still on but the blog post was uploaded online on November 18, 2008 so I'm pretty sure it's still legit. I'll find out for sure when I get the chance to visit the place armed with someone who can gobble this down under five minutes.

Pizza Niro

Ermita, Malate: 521-1910
BF Homes Parañaque: 825-5555
Ayala Dela Rosa 1 Carpark: 387-7395

Anyways, this is what I was really after. I am proud to present the result of humanity's insatiable gluttony--Pizza Nero's 30" pizza. Costing around a thousand pesos, i think it a reasonable deal. All of the available flavors of Pizza Niro's menu can be transmuted into this monster of a dish.

I will definitely try this thing out. Believe me, for all I'm worth, this is something I will not miss. I wonder if they deliver though.

So, who's craving for some pizza? There's enough to share :-P

Booboo

Yes, in case you haven't catched on yet, this is my pointing finger. Actually, it isn't as painful as it looks... after the first couple of hours. Oh by the way, this was about... three days, I think, after the incident? For my entertainment and the disgust of my readers, I shall narrate the story of how my wee little fingy was victimized by fate.Just before sunset on the fateful day of October 29th of the Year of the Brown Earth Rat ( thanks to Chinese Astrology Online), I was diligently and expertly carving boards of illustration in the confides of my humble home with a brand new blade. I was quite in a hurry for later that night, we were due at the Funeraria Paz to attend the wake of my late grandfather, Robert Tan. Boasting or spouting air is not my intention when I declare that my blade skills have become very efficient ever since I, together with my companions, took on the challenge of assisting in making props for our organization at the academe. Actually, some of my very good acquiantances were engaging in such work in my abode just a day before the tragic happening. Anywho, back to my narration, I was just up with the last piece of the structure when disaster struck!

For a second which seemed like a moment, time froze as I gazed upon a big chunk of my own flesh laying flat on the floor. The cutter which I held had apparently sliced a piece of my meat cleanly off my appendage of pointing--no immediate pain, thank God. Reluctantly, I shifted my view to my fingy then a fountain of blood oozed out. "Oh shit..." was my first thought and "Putangina!" was my second.

I rushed to a nearby sick to clean my wound as puddles of blood flowed out of my fingy. I shouted to the house help for disinfectants and cotton but to my dismay, she came running empty handed. I was pleading her to look for some but she kept on saying, "Wala! WALA! WALA! AHHHH!!!" She was just hysterical! I mean, I was the one cut here! I'm the victim (as well as the culprit! hehe) and she was the one panicking... my God, my finger's done for. But thankfully, she once again returned with a bottle of betadine and cotton helping me cover up my booboo and stop the bleeding. All's well that ends well, as they say.

Later that day, we passed by a coffee shop and I had no guilt whatsoever as to ordering an expensive cup of mocha frost. After all, what better day to indulge yourself than a time when you cut a piece of your own meat from yourself?

Anyway, the moral of the story is, if you wanna be guilt free, slice, slice slice! hohoho!

A hopeless hope? Hopefully not.

I like stories. Whether its the oral kind, the visual kind, the written kind, or whatever kind there is, if it's got a story to tell, i'll probably stop, look, and listen. But as far as stories go, the stuff that really gets me hooked will most certainly have great, deep, fun characters. No, i don't mean bo#$r inducing scantily clad women with red lolipops, whipped cream and syrup just begging to be....ehem... I'm getting off track, sorry. Anyway, I don't mean women when I say its the characters that get me really engrossed on a story. What I meant to say was the story's characters and their attitude, personality, values, and principles is what makes it so fun going through a great story.

After 17 interesting years in this beautiful yet god-forsaken world, I've come across a handful of admirable, or at least fun, personas while watching tv, reading books, manga, anime, and other sources of tales. Eikichi Onizuka of GTO, Monkey D. Luffy of One Piece, Alan Shore and Denny Crane of Boston Legal are some of these characters that I have come to know and love.

I've always wished to meet these people. Or at least, meet someone real that reflects the personality, beliefs, and attitude towards life of these characters. Its kinda crazy, I know. But just humor me for a second. I mean, wouldn't you want to meet someone you've always admired from your bedtime stories like Sherlock Homes, Addicus Finch, Achilles, Superman, or maybe Son Goku from Dragon Ball?

Why not Jesus? I mean, I'd like to converse with Jesus of the Bible even if just for a few minutes and DO NOT get all church-ish on me. I get the whole praying thing. What I'm saying is really grabbing Jesus of Nazareth right from the pages of the Almighty Text. Really, wouldn't that be something--talking with the real thing, the big cahuna Himself.

Is the hope of meeting them, or at least someone with a semblance of them, so...hopeless? Hopefully not.

Are Filipinos really as smart as we say we are?

We invented the Karaoke, Fluorescent Lamp, and Moon Buggy. These are pretty innovative and world changing creations even though our Filipino inventors aren’t credited for those technological breakthroughs ‘coz of, you know, corruption, graft, etc, etc. But still, we’ve got like amazing brains and all for thinking of those things right? Yeah well… we may be smart… but I think most of us lack common sense.

For those who live in the Philippines, have you ever been to Commonwealth Avenue? I think most of the stupid idiots in the country live there. I have a lot of friends in Commonwealth and they’re pretty smart and have a lot of common sense so I’m not saying everyone in Commonwealth Ave. is stupid, okay?

So, why are most of the people living in that place big fat idiots? Well… first, I’ll tell you a little bit about the setting of our funny little story. When I say funny, I mean the annoying kind, annoying enough to make you write it in a blog. Anyways, Commonwealth is like a highway. A lot of vehicles—cars, SUV’s, pickups, and big ten-wheeler trucks—pass through this ‘avenue’ every single moment of the day. And since it’s considered a highway, ALL these cars drive pretty fast, probably no less than 40 or 50 kph. BUT! Commonwealth is a residential area. Parallel to the street, on both sides, buildings and subdivisions of houses line the entire stretch of the highway. And of course, in the Philippines, if there’s a space, residential area or not, there are squatters at every nook and cranny, and Commonwealth Avenue is no exception.

I’m telling you, squatters are amazing. They can fit 20, no 30 families in a single lot (about 500 sqm?). Obviously, one will expect an army of people settling in little Commonwealth Avenue. And that is where the problem starts. Wait, my mistake, population can’t possibly the reason here. No effing way! Definitely not! I think it’s just because they’re plain STUPID!

What am I rambling about? Picture this, at every half kilometer or so of the whole Commonwealth Avenue, the government (thank god) made over passes so that people from either sides of the rode can make it safely to the opposite side. This is good since with five lanes each for the road heading north and south (or east and west, I don’t really know), and speeding cars, it’s like dodging arrows. BUT APPARENTLY Filipinos like dodging arrows.

Just today, I saw a family with three kids, THREE KIDS, walking from one side of the road to the opposite side. Guess where they did that, definitely not using the overpass. Nawwww…. They wouldn’t risk tiring their knee walking up those stairs and safely walking over the speeding traffic, no… of course not. They walk UNDER the over pass, barely dodging the traffic, father with TWO children at hand and the mother dragging the other child along. MUCH safer this way! ^^

You: But that’s just one crazy family. They must’ve been in an emergency or whatever. You can’t generalize a whole country with just one family.

Me: Well, okay, I’ll give you another example. I’ll skip the other people I passed by (there were a lot others, not just one family, mind you), there’s one I vividly remember.

About fifty people… yes fifty, as in 50, were crossing the street. They were probably in the early 20’s or so. Now they had a very interesting technique to the art of traffic dodging. In one single moment, as if they were trained synchronized swimmers, ALL of them started brisk walking to the other side of the road! BRILLIANT! That way, SOME of them would survive! Why, with fifty people, the first 20 should be able to block the incoming cars with their bodies! Oh wait, what if there was a truck… hmmm… oh well, their smart. They could have brisk walked themselves out of that situation.

You know what, I think I’m changing what I said earlier. Filipinos are smart! They’re not doing anything about the not-using-the-overpass-issue ‘coz there’s a boom in the population and this is a sure, guilt free way. Wow… amazing O_O

AL: sorring for the typos... AGAIN. to lazy to edit... AGAIN